Marriage

Why do most people have such a difficulty finding the "right one"?

Monogamy, that's why.

It's simple: the monogamy model, or more correctly, the scarcity of love model - or dogma - that is popularized by Hollywood and the church (talk about an unholy alliance), increases the stakes and reduces the odds of winning to such a degree that most people instinctively grasp just how slim those chances are, and just as instinctively, they refuse to make a bet.

And even when they do, finally, relent to make the bet, it obviously fails with a high degree of certainty. Divorce is simply the more flamboyant of failures, but broken marriages full of resentment abound, not to mention marriages that are open in anything but name, those marriages where one or both of the spouses cheat repeatedly. Which is sad, if one gives it a second of rational thought: if only the spouses agreed to open their marriage, neither of them would be cheating anymore, and some of those marriages might become happier (while those that take a turn for the worst would not have been happy nor saved anyway).

How many times have I heard "we'd been married for years, and I woke up one morning and I found a different person, and I still love them deeply, but I can't live with them anymore"? of course this happens. It happens all the time. In fact, most people will simply shrug it off with "people change". But think of the loss when this marriage ends in divorce. The couple still love each other, deeply, but they can't bring themselves to agree that they have both changed - as people are wont to do - and their needs are not entirely met by the other. Interestingly, they will usually both admit when pushed that some of their needs are met by the other in a perfect way, a way that no other could match - and that makes sense, too. Why destroy so much good, an entire life of understanding, and love, and partnership? that's, after all, what your pastor will tell you. I'm telling you the same, but with different conclusions.

The prevailing view of monogamy, mind you, is not just about sex. It is about "fidelity", that concept that supposedly means that one person's physical and emotional attachment needs must be fully and entirely fulfilled by exactly one other person and no other - and for this to hold true for 40, 50, 60 years until they die. Yes, this might work for static folks, and indeed, I have met a few couples in my life who were perfectly happy with one another, but they were amazingly even-keeled, unnaturally "plain vanilla". But dear god, these people are always so... darn... dull! the quality that makes them happy with the monogamy model is the same quality that makes them quite content with having life be no more than a single smoothly sailing ship that never wavers as it sails slowly and surely on a straight path, for decades and decades circling an endless globe full of gentle water.

Personally, I can't imagine living this way. There's no passion in this sort of relationship. And most people I've met in my life are passionate about something, usually more than one thing. A quick discussion about politics or money (in the US anyway) will immediately tell you the sort you are dealing with...

Thus it is no surprise at all that as the increase in personal and individual freedoms picks up in the western world, so does the rate of failure of the monogamy model. Monogamy, by definition, is based on a controlling societal and cultural structure, one that makes a tremendous number of assumptions, chief of them being that people can and should control their own happiness in order to fit the model. This works just fine in a world with less freedoms, where people are used to not exploring within themselves but rather to fitting the societal mold. It breaks in a hurry in a world where people are encouraged to love themselves, to look for their own happiness, to develop and grow and expand their horizons, and where they actually have the time and resources to do so (we are quite privileged to be living in the US of 2008, by the way). Inevitably, a dynamic person - as most of us are - will find that what worked for them yesterday may not work today in exactly the same way.

That leads to the serial monogamist, the most typical of today's singles, the one who is monogamous for a short amount of time with each partner. It leads the the notion that a new relationship only become serious when sex becomes "exclusive", but with the tacit yet never spoken understanding that this is merely a symptom of love itself becoming exclusive, an almost preposterous notion even to the monogamist who isn't married yet (and to most who are). And it leads, of course, to where a person growing up with the monogamy model seared on their brain cannot for the life of them understand why they can't "make a decision". Of course they can't. The stakes are too high. What if that person can't fulfill the dream of decades and decades of emotional, mental and physical fidelity? it makes no sense that they could - the odds are so low - so folks find themselves unable to commit, finding little faults which are sure to cause a breakup in the future. Or losing the commitment once married and finding little ways to feel freedom again, whether it is by sleeping with others, or finding and chatting with opposite-gender friends online (the gay community, as they tend to always be way ahead of us straights, had long since figured this out), or having little flirts with work colleagues, or going to titty clubs or in hundreds of other ways.

This is a getting a bit long, although I can say much more about it, but I'll end with the answer. I think you know what it is already. Polyamory (not to be confused with polygamy or swinging). Open marriage. It makes so much sense it scares a lot of folks who like to cling to tradition as their shield. But I'm convinced it works. Conceptually, at least, Heinlein had it right all along.

Wow

Just got forwarded this. Maybe there is hope yet...

Certainly makes it easy

Considering that he is the only political candidate I ever donated money to... picking Joe Biden as Obama's running mate makes me quite decided. I never thought Biden had a real chance for the VP slot, so I was rooting for Hillary there, but he is without doubt the most qualified individual on either side of the fence.

I also must admit - choosing him has certainly made me rethink my view on Mr. Obama a bit. Because if nothing else, it is obvious he made this choice based on his own perception of who is the best person to run the country with, damn the polls. And I agree. Well done. Very well done indeed.

That might explain...

... why I have had such vastly inconsistent experience with sushi that I simply avoid it now. It definitely explains why the taste seemed to so radically different on separate occasions even though the product was supposedly the same.

New Dexcom tip on placement

So I already let you know that I think upper arm placement is best...

A new piece of data has emerged from my experimentation that suggest that placement should be tweaked slightly; instead of pointing the sensor straight down, point it a 30-to-45-degree angle. Apparently this solves much of the receding interstitial fluid problem during sleep periods.

Not sure why, but try it out.

Phelps

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Baby Girl

You know of my country fixation... it hasn't ceased. Anyhow, this song, by Sugarland, recently crossed my radar and it's just somehow one of the most inspirational ones I can remember for a long time. I suggest you ignore the video and just listen.

Goes on my list to buy for my next compilation.

Speaking about powerful songs... another one from Sugarland. Do definitely watch the video on this one. If it doesn't grab you, I don't know what's wrong with you.

An email from a friend

Oh my god... I just got this note (very slightly edited):

I had a really bad bike accident on Monday. A big gust of wind knocked my front tire off the roadbed, over the edge of the ditch. Went down hard on my chin. Broke my jaw in two places, messed up my teeth. Needed 11 stitches, 2 in lip, 9 in chin. Other than that, I was pretty lucky. Just scrapes here and there, and a possible sprained left wrist. First passerby that stopped was a lady who ran back and asked if I was ok. When I looked up at her, she said, "Oh, my God" and called 911. Second and third cars that stopped were RNs. Next car was a doctor. Next was an EMT. Next one was a lady who was told we had enough people there, ambulance was coming. I was bleeding profusely, spitting out pieces of tooth. I did manage to call my son, who came and got the bike. Younger one was crying. Took me to Kaiser.

I'll be having surgery tomorrow or Monday, to put a plate in my chin (it's such a clean fracture it doesn't show on the x-ray, but keeps sliding around), and will have my teeth wired for a couple of weeks. The other fracture has aligned itself and won't be treated, other than the wiring. The dental work will take months. And I'll have a new, character-building scar on my chin, and probably one on the lip. Visiting the oral surgeon today in Oakland, who will do all the work. Two molars broke at or below gum level on the right, so they will probably have to come out.

Guess I'm not doing this triathlon. But..........will still go watch everyone else. I will get through this, but probably won't look the same.....I can't talk, so don't call. Email is best.

I am just incredibly sad right now, and in a lot of pain. Don't know if I'll be able to start the school year on time or not. New school, new students, with jaw wired shut? Don't think so.

This is really awful. She was doing the Triathlon to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. So I decided I'd link her donations page here anyway in case you feel - like I do - that her efforts should not go in vain (she's been training for a long time now).

Fastrak

Cloning takes on a whole new meaning.

Facebook

And so it goes...

I love it. I think even at $3.75B, they are getting way, WAY more than the company is worth. When they go down another order of magnitude, call me. But considering Microsoft bought a stake a mere 6 months ago for a valuation that is precisely four time as high, all I can say is - silicon valley valuations, meet cold water.

How touching

So for the past few weeks I've been running a Faery's Tale campaign for a group of three kids - my 6 year old son, his 7 year old girl friend, and a 9 year old boy who is staying with the friend's parents' friends for summer.

The system, by the way, is brilliant for kids, I can't recommend it enough. I can see it petering out around age 10-12, but for 6-9 year olds (and maybe even smart 5's), it's fantastic, and serves as a perfect introduction to role playing. I can't tell you how enjoyable it is to see the kids actually role play, with no inhibitions. For this jaded 25-years-of-experience game master, running our little Faery's Tale weekly group is highly rewarding.

Anyhow, that's not what I wanted to write about. I got an email today from the folks who are hosting the 9 year old for summer. It included this quote (names abbreviated to protect the innocent; Z is the kid, B is yours truly):

"Either day is fine with us...another compliment for B is that Z donates part of his allowance to a charity and he is choosing diabetes because he has a friend in SD and B who have it and he wants to find a cure. (How sweet is that!)"

Indeed.

Stuff

So, in order to totally confuse the issue following my last post, I figured I'd toss this in here as well.

She's annoying as all heck, and significant portions of what she says is, to put it mildly, ill-considered, but since the underlying message or principle is so important, I swallowed hard and linked.

I just hope I'm not creating more of those Berkeley liberals.

Undecided

So yesterday night I was a guest at a dinner party and got to speak to yet another Berkeley liberal (they seem to be running high these days)... which did several things for me:

1) underlined, once again, how much I despise Berkeley liberals and their narrow-minded, holier-than-thou, religious extremism
2) that even though they don't call it religion, that's exactly what it is, and they sound just as bad to me as any cleric, southern baptist minister, or Rush Limbaugh
3) that the idea of having these people gain any sort of serious political power is a terrifying notion

And the conclusion, of course, which is that

4) I am not sure who I'm voting for, but any encounter like that makes me look at McCain more favorably.

It didn't help that the hosts were self-described bleeding heart liberals. But at least there can be some form of dialogue with these people; not so with the Berkeley types.

The thing that's truly scary is that I am, socially, a liberal, although fiscally conservative (*); I wasn't even trying to argue a conservative viewpoint, just try to establish that there is one, and it's just as legitimate. Forget it, there's no one home, they are all out in the streets screaming in religious ecstasy with the froth flying from the mouths.

Scary.

And with Obama looking more and more like Carter... like I said, McCain is starting to smell... unoffensive.

So I guess I'm undecided. I wonder how many others are what with this Obamamania seemingly running rampant through the nation.

(*) how can that be? easy. I am in full support of people's right to choose for themselves, especially in the context of secularism - for example, I'm pro-abortion, pro gay rights, and so on and so forth. But I'm also in support of small government and fiscal responsibility. Hmm. Maybe I AM a conservative, but not the current republican kind.

Ubuntu and Windows

So I finally broke down and added a WinXP partition as a dual boot to my existing Ubuntu one, just so I can handle the Dexcom.

Resizing the Ubuntu partition was easy peasy with the live CD - just boot to the CD, run the partition manager, pick a size, and off you go. Pretty nifty, like most Ubuntu stuff as I've come to learn.

Then I spent the next five - that's FIVE - hours installing WinXP pro on the new partition. Holy moly, I didn't even realize how much of a good thing Ubuntu was until I had to install XP today. My XP partition is STILL not fully operational - a bunch of Lenovo specific stuff isn't working, wireless is kaput, and so on and so forth. Thinking back to the 35 minutes start-to-finish-fully-operating-and-with-all-applications-installed-and-updated Ubuntu installation, I had to smile.

But the Dexcom problem is indeed solved, which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the problem resides with the Silicon Labs UART bridge driver. At least I know that.