Lovefusion

When the time comes
it will hurt,
I promise you that.

Remember my touch
my smell
my eyes
looking into yours
reaching inside
pulling you out
gently,
gently.

If I was the one
you searched for
your entire life
like you said
then letting me
go
this way
was dumb,
honey.

And if I was not
if it was all a lie
an elaborate game
a mask
then it was one
of shame
for I fell into
your trap
loved you beyond
what you could
ever
have hoped
to attain.

Which one was it?
did you ever really
love me?
did you merely
use me?
as what?
as your tool?
for what purpose?
when I asked
you
to marry
to conceive
with me
did you stop
for a moment
and wonder
how far to go?

Confused
dazed even
I sit here
my heart
bleeding
hating you
loving you
missing your
touch
your voice
your laughter
shedding tears
over something
that may
never
have been.

I don't know
cannot tell
if you loved me
ever
but if you did
like you said
then
when the time comes
it will hurt.

I promise you that.

---
EDIT: interestingly enough, simply writing this made me feel a whole lot better. There's definitely something in the saying that putting your feelings down on paper lets you work through them in those sad moments.