Response to another blog
Loved this blog entry, so decided I'd post a response - nay, an addition - right here. Heck, maybe I'll get a reader or two this way, too. Now wouldn't that be neat?
Read the other entry first. Then come back here to read my thoughts about it:
Look around you. Ever heard how "everyone is special"? "Each of us has something they are really good at"? Think for a second about why anyone needed to come up with these cliches. Sorry to burst your bubble, folks, but some people ARE smarter than others, and some people have absolutely no special talent whatsoever, they are just average or below average or just plain suck. At everything. So what? That's life. You can still be happy about yourself even if you don't have a "special talent" that makes you better than anyone else in something. The foundation for idiotic shows like American Idol, and the morons who apply to appear in them, who really truly suck and yet are sure that "they will be discovered" one day is this particular societal paradigm. I admire Simon for being so smart and cynical as to understand this particular affliction of modern western society, and coming up with the format for American Idol (initially in the UK). Opportunistic, yes, but dammit, it's brilliant.
People are so worried about other people's self-esteem that even constructive criticism is no longer acceptable. That's politically correct for you, when taken to the extreme. I can't even tell someone that I don't like the food in a restaurant they took me to because they think it reflects on them, somehow. Now what kind of stupidity is that?
I am reminded of a conversation I had a couple days ago with the CFO of one of the companies I work with. She told me how much of an ass I was, basically because I was so darn smart and that made me scary, especially as I wasn't hiding it. You know, when people came to me I would find plenty of reason why I didn't want to help them. Of course, I can factually refute that in an instant, by example and by testimony from the astounding number of people who count me as their mentor, helper and supporter throughout the years.
But why would I care to do so? I'll tell you this: What I'm not willing to do is waste my time with people posing as thinkers but unwilling to think. I just don't have time for the kind of people the poster in that other blogger describes - the ones who are just so afraid of everything around them that they are simply unwilling to go out on a limb, even a little bit. You know, try something slightly different maybe, or figure out a tiny evolutionary step in a process, or just plain take a chance, for fear of making a mistake, to be followed by a complete destruction of their fragile "self-esteem". I get really, really irritated by these folks who come to me and say "can you tell me how to figure this challenge out?", when they really mean "can you do it for me so I don't have to think it through?". I learn pretty fast who these people are, and then I stop wanting to help them. And that, by the way, is by choice. I take full responsibility for this approach. So yes, I guess she was right, I am an ass.
I think this insanity comes from a blend of PC and extreme individualism, two very strong trends that have done so much to shape - at least American - society in the past 30 years. The first, in its current form, basically disallows criticism of anything or anyone. The second encourages people to develop delusions of grandeur from a very early age, heightening their sense of dissatisfaction with their own existence. Between the two, there really is no choice for many people but to try and construct an image of the world that is perfectly self-centered. At that point, the tranishing of this "perfect world" image, even momentarily, even just in possibility, is a huge threat to the core of their being. It creates a severe cognitive dissonance. That's why people won't even dare try something new, most of the time: they have an acute fear of being miserable at it. My wife still thinks it's crazy that I love acquiring new hobbies, or that when I learn (say) a new boardgame, I enjoy losing horribly, simply because I enjoy the experience.
Let me toss some other common cliches at you that seem to originate from this modern line of thinking:
"Try/work hard enough and you can succeed at anything" - now, does anyone really believe this one? I mean, really? How stupid can you be to buy this? And yet, many people do.
"Everyone has a special talent" - the one I mention above. Seriously. There's over 6 billion people on this planet. You really think that each and every one has one?
"You're/I'm OK, it's the teacher that's bad" - usually following a failing grade - now, seriously, ever stop to consider that your child might need an ass-kicking instead? Got an F, huh? Better grind your teeth and study harder, or you're repeating the grade, and screw your precious self-esteem. Teacher may suck but since there are quite a number of kids in their class who don't seem to fail, it most likely IS you.
"Don't show them how smart/pretty/clever/better you are, you'll hurt their feelings" - the ultimate idiocy. This is so stupid that it doesn't even merit a rebuttal. But I'll say this - if you get hurt because someone else is better than you in something, then your life is a pretty sordid affair.
I can go on and on, but I have other things to do. Ciao.
Read the other entry first. Then come back here to read my thoughts about it:
Look around you. Ever heard how "everyone is special"? "Each of us has something they are really good at"? Think for a second about why anyone needed to come up with these cliches. Sorry to burst your bubble, folks, but some people ARE smarter than others, and some people have absolutely no special talent whatsoever, they are just average or below average or just plain suck. At everything. So what? That's life. You can still be happy about yourself even if you don't have a "special talent" that makes you better than anyone else in something. The foundation for idiotic shows like American Idol, and the morons who apply to appear in them, who really truly suck and yet are sure that "they will be discovered" one day is this particular societal paradigm. I admire Simon for being so smart and cynical as to understand this particular affliction of modern western society, and coming up with the format for American Idol (initially in the UK). Opportunistic, yes, but dammit, it's brilliant.
People are so worried about other people's self-esteem that even constructive criticism is no longer acceptable. That's politically correct for you, when taken to the extreme. I can't even tell someone that I don't like the food in a restaurant they took me to because they think it reflects on them, somehow. Now what kind of stupidity is that?
I am reminded of a conversation I had a couple days ago with the CFO of one of the companies I work with. She told me how much of an ass I was, basically because I was so darn smart and that made me scary, especially as I wasn't hiding it. You know, when people came to me I would find plenty of reason why I didn't want to help them. Of course, I can factually refute that in an instant, by example and by testimony from the astounding number of people who count me as their mentor, helper and supporter throughout the years.
But why would I care to do so? I'll tell you this: What I'm not willing to do is waste my time with people posing as thinkers but unwilling to think. I just don't have time for the kind of people the poster in that other blogger describes - the ones who are just so afraid of everything around them that they are simply unwilling to go out on a limb, even a little bit. You know, try something slightly different maybe, or figure out a tiny evolutionary step in a process, or just plain take a chance, for fear of making a mistake, to be followed by a complete destruction of their fragile "self-esteem". I get really, really irritated by these folks who come to me and say "can you tell me how to figure this challenge out?", when they really mean "can you do it for me so I don't have to think it through?". I learn pretty fast who these people are, and then I stop wanting to help them. And that, by the way, is by choice. I take full responsibility for this approach. So yes, I guess she was right, I am an ass.
I think this insanity comes from a blend of PC and extreme individualism, two very strong trends that have done so much to shape - at least American - society in the past 30 years. The first, in its current form, basically disallows criticism of anything or anyone. The second encourages people to develop delusions of grandeur from a very early age, heightening their sense of dissatisfaction with their own existence. Between the two, there really is no choice for many people but to try and construct an image of the world that is perfectly self-centered. At that point, the tranishing of this "perfect world" image, even momentarily, even just in possibility, is a huge threat to the core of their being. It creates a severe cognitive dissonance. That's why people won't even dare try something new, most of the time: they have an acute fear of being miserable at it. My wife still thinks it's crazy that I love acquiring new hobbies, or that when I learn (say) a new boardgame, I enjoy losing horribly, simply because I enjoy the experience.
Let me toss some other common cliches at you that seem to originate from this modern line of thinking:
"Try/work hard enough and you can succeed at anything" - now, does anyone really believe this one? I mean, really? How stupid can you be to buy this? And yet, many people do.
"Everyone has a special talent" - the one I mention above. Seriously. There's over 6 billion people on this planet. You really think that each and every one has one?
"You're/I'm OK, it's the teacher that's bad" - usually following a failing grade - now, seriously, ever stop to consider that your child might need an ass-kicking instead? Got an F, huh? Better grind your teeth and study harder, or you're repeating the grade, and screw your precious self-esteem. Teacher may suck but since there are quite a number of kids in their class who don't seem to fail, it most likely IS you.
"Don't show them how smart/pretty/clever/better you are, you'll hurt their feelings" - the ultimate idiocy. This is so stupid that it doesn't even merit a rebuttal. But I'll say this - if you get hurt because someone else is better than you in something, then your life is a pretty sordid affair.
I can go on and on, but I have other things to do. Ciao.
posted by Blinkered at 9:48 AM
2 Comments:
I'm glad I'm not the only arrogant ass around :D But seriously, I agree with what you've said.
I'm not always at liberty to not help someone who falls into that category - I am responsible for overall delivery of the product so if those who work under me fail to do their jobs I get called to the carpet for it (happened just yesterday, actually.)
I do try not to be malicious when I point out to other people that what they're saying/doing doesn't make any sense, but sometimes it's tough. Luckily, as a consultant by trade I have learned catchphrases to assist with this, such as:
"My understanding is different than yours. Perhaps we should discuss this further."
"It might be more (efficient/intuitive/insert adjective here) if we did it this way instead..."
"I thought carefully about that option but think that this one has the following advantages..."
I've used two of these today already :)
When I'm not dealing with clients, I admit that I'm not quite so courteous.
Woohoo! A real comment in my blog! I am so excited, anyeone!
To the point: I guess I do such a variety of things in so many different capacities that I have a lot more freedom in choosing who to work with. In my consulting activities, I actually end up as more of a personal advisor; my typical engagement is very long-term, very loosely defined, generally being available to provide some insight into a difficult business/ technical/ operational challenge that might arise in front of my CxO client. These clients fully grasp my added value while also appreciating that I will not be happy nor successful living full-time in their environment.
Yeah, I know patience is a virtue... I've been called in corpspeak a "straight shooter", "blunt", "no nonsense kinda guy", and as I mention in the original post, "smart and scary". Oh well. I also seem to build great teams and be a fantastic motivator. Now reconcile THAT :-) It all goes back to the apparent basic need to label so nothing feel uncomfortable. Me? I'm perfectly happy being a conundrum.
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