To Die in Jerusalem
So I finally got to watch this documentary.
Interesting concept, fascinating results. It also validated for me something I've been saying for years in explaining the overall Israeli-Arab conflict in the middle east.
The one single most important thing that Israelies, by and large, lack to a degree that makes it practically impossible for them to ever have a decent dialog with Arabs is respect. That is, showing respect, or deferment. We are big on honor, but we maintain our honor by never really giving in, by always providing an image of strength. That's why our discussions are loud, our body language borderline violent, and our facial expressions exaggerated. It is telling that there is no hebrew word for gracious.
If you look at Abigail's body language, tone, and facial expressions throughout the conversation with Um Ayat, it is hard (for an american anyhow, and even then I am guessing since I've only been in the US for 8 years) not to be deeply offended, regardless of her words. The raised finger, the raised chin, the eyes half downcast as if she is looking down on her rivals. For a typical american, my guess is that it would be practically impossible to even try and decipher her intent, or recognize any concessions she might make (as indeed she does throughout the film). It's not just her, of course; if you examine the gathering in her house, where they speak about her plan to meet Um Ayat, just examine the body language, tone and facial expressions of almost all of them when the discussion gets heated. We all do this, and there is nothing to it; this is how we communicate.
In other words, our culture is one of honor through superiority.
Now, I can't say for certain that I'm right, but it has been my impression that while Arab culture is also about honor, it is not honor through superiority. Rather, it is honor through respect or deferment.
What do I mean by that? I mean that in all my numerous encounters with arabs growing up, in Israel and outside of it, and even in the occupied territories before everything went to hell 15-20 years ago, I have seen one constant theme in which even sworn enemies always followed a certain code of conduct, and have always deferred to each other even when arguing heatedly. In fact, as an Israeli it was difficult not to instinctively interpret this deferment as weakness (something that encourages the tone of superiority we all learn at a young age). It gets worse. Since we think in terms of superiority, having someone allow us our aggressive posturing while still maintaining their convictions must mean that they are lying to us.
Examine Um Ayat's (and Abu Ayat's) body language throughout the film, and even when she gets very upset, it still is not aggressive. Her tone gets high, but it is explanatory, not inflammatory. Go to a mosque once and you will see where it comes from; even when the cleric sings about the worst horrors one could imagine, he sings them piteously. Her convictions are strong, but she, too, is making concessions. It's just that Abigail can't hear them (to which she admits towards the end) because they are delivered in a way that confuses her; they are strong words delivered with a somewhat exaggerated show of respect.
Thing is, we're both fighting about the same thing - honor - but our communication style is horrendously incompatible. We continually insult and condescend to them. They continually irritate and confuse us. We all have the same good intentions and even share the same goals, but it gets lost in the delivery. And never the twain will meet.
I have claimed and will continue to claim that an Israeli leader who can speak to Arab leaders in their language - not the words, but the delivery - will have an easy time of settling differences. This film just reinforced my opinion. Yes, it has to be an Israeli leader, because Israel IS in a position of power. Thus it has to make the bigger concessions, and has to rise above itself further. Yes, they will have to find their match amongst arab leaders, to a lesser degree. But it CAN happen. Will it ever?
Interesting concept, fascinating results. It also validated for me something I've been saying for years in explaining the overall Israeli-Arab conflict in the middle east.
The one single most important thing that Israelies, by and large, lack to a degree that makes it practically impossible for them to ever have a decent dialog with Arabs is respect. That is, showing respect, or deferment. We are big on honor, but we maintain our honor by never really giving in, by always providing an image of strength. That's why our discussions are loud, our body language borderline violent, and our facial expressions exaggerated. It is telling that there is no hebrew word for gracious.
If you look at Abigail's body language, tone, and facial expressions throughout the conversation with Um Ayat, it is hard (for an american anyhow, and even then I am guessing since I've only been in the US for 8 years) not to be deeply offended, regardless of her words. The raised finger, the raised chin, the eyes half downcast as if she is looking down on her rivals. For a typical american, my guess is that it would be practically impossible to even try and decipher her intent, or recognize any concessions she might make (as indeed she does throughout the film). It's not just her, of course; if you examine the gathering in her house, where they speak about her plan to meet Um Ayat, just examine the body language, tone and facial expressions of almost all of them when the discussion gets heated. We all do this, and there is nothing to it; this is how we communicate.
In other words, our culture is one of honor through superiority.
Now, I can't say for certain that I'm right, but it has been my impression that while Arab culture is also about honor, it is not honor through superiority. Rather, it is honor through respect or deferment.
What do I mean by that? I mean that in all my numerous encounters with arabs growing up, in Israel and outside of it, and even in the occupied territories before everything went to hell 15-20 years ago, I have seen one constant theme in which even sworn enemies always followed a certain code of conduct, and have always deferred to each other even when arguing heatedly. In fact, as an Israeli it was difficult not to instinctively interpret this deferment as weakness (something that encourages the tone of superiority we all learn at a young age). It gets worse. Since we think in terms of superiority, having someone allow us our aggressive posturing while still maintaining their convictions must mean that they are lying to us.
Examine Um Ayat's (and Abu Ayat's) body language throughout the film, and even when she gets very upset, it still is not aggressive. Her tone gets high, but it is explanatory, not inflammatory. Go to a mosque once and you will see where it comes from; even when the cleric sings about the worst horrors one could imagine, he sings them piteously. Her convictions are strong, but she, too, is making concessions. It's just that Abigail can't hear them (to which she admits towards the end) because they are delivered in a way that confuses her; they are strong words delivered with a somewhat exaggerated show of respect.
Thing is, we're both fighting about the same thing - honor - but our communication style is horrendously incompatible. We continually insult and condescend to them. They continually irritate and confuse us. We all have the same good intentions and even share the same goals, but it gets lost in the delivery. And never the twain will meet.
I have claimed and will continue to claim that an Israeli leader who can speak to Arab leaders in their language - not the words, but the delivery - will have an easy time of settling differences. This film just reinforced my opinion. Yes, it has to be an Israeli leader, because Israel IS in a position of power. Thus it has to make the bigger concessions, and has to rise above itself further. Yes, they will have to find their match amongst arab leaders, to a lesser degree. But it CAN happen. Will it ever?
posted by Blinkered at 11:07 PM
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