Triggers
Do you have a particular type of behavior that, exhibited by someone else, pushes all your buttons? I'm sure you do, unless you're a saint.
Well, I am recently reminded of the absolute top one that does it to me: it's when you develop a relationship with someone, who transitions from colleague to acquaintance, to friend, to close friend, and then suddenly, one day, with no explanation or even the minimum courtesy of giving notice, they go blank. You know what I mean, the way teenagers seem to handle their relationships: they will not take your calls, they will not answer your emails, they will not return your texts or voicemails.
They will delude themselves to think that "everybody is better off" this way, but the behavior is not only one of the most extreme in the world of passive-aggressive, it is also highly immature, even juvenile. It avoids the basic responsibility of facing up to your issues. There is a price to pay for friendship, and that is the price of honesty; when someone gives you their trust, you cannot simply betray it in such a fashion without at least owning to the responsibility of confronting them with whatever problem may have come up. And it is even more true if they tell you they don't understand what's going on.
A person I have come to know and appreciate and trust over the last four years had apparently decided, for some unknown reason, to behave in this exact fashion over the last couple of weeks. Why? I don't know. I have not an inkling of a clue as to what I may have said or done to precipitate this. Last we met, I gave her the three board games I ordered for her as part of my larger game order, which incidentally saved her about $30 over what she would have paid at the store. This was following a couple of months of serving repeatedly as one of her references for the dozen or so job interviews she had been undergoing, when we would chat on the phone 3 times a week because she was bored and also wanted a bit of advice and mentoring.
Then she goes blank. Not even a simple courtesy notice "sorry, I don't want to talk to you anymore, because you did". Nothing.
I feel used.
Well, I am recently reminded of the absolute top one that does it to me: it's when you develop a relationship with someone, who transitions from colleague to acquaintance, to friend, to close friend, and then suddenly, one day, with no explanation or even the minimum courtesy of giving notice, they go blank. You know what I mean, the way teenagers seem to handle their relationships: they will not take your calls, they will not answer your emails, they will not return your texts or voicemails.
They will delude themselves to think that "everybody is better off" this way, but the behavior is not only one of the most extreme in the world of passive-aggressive, it is also highly immature, even juvenile. It avoids the basic responsibility of facing up to your issues. There is a price to pay for friendship, and that is the price of honesty; when someone gives you their trust, you cannot simply betray it in such a fashion without at least owning to the responsibility of confronting them with whatever problem may have come up. And it is even more true if they tell you they don't understand what's going on.
A person I have come to know and appreciate and trust over the last four years had apparently decided, for some unknown reason, to behave in this exact fashion over the last couple of weeks. Why? I don't know. I have not an inkling of a clue as to what I may have said or done to precipitate this. Last we met, I gave her the three board games I ordered for her as part of my larger game order, which incidentally saved her about $30 over what she would have paid at the store. This was following a couple of months of serving repeatedly as one of her references for the dozen or so job interviews she had been undergoing, when we would chat on the phone 3 times a week because she was bored and also wanted a bit of advice and mentoring.
Then she goes blank. Not even a simple courtesy notice "sorry, I don't want to talk to you anymore, because you did
I feel used.
posted by Blinkered at 6:05 PM
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